All that we have and all that we offer
Comes from our hearts both frightened and free
Take what we bring now and give what we need ...
-- All That We Have
Prayer #120: Both Frightened and Free
Self-awareness is a sharp blade -- it slices me fast, cuts me deep, delays the pain. But when the blood does come ... watch out.
How easy to slip behind that red, translucent curtain, upset that I've hurt someone, shamed because I knew better, and embarrassed because I wasn't strong enough to stop myself.
Obscured there, I can indulge in a little self-flagellation, which makes me feel productive yet avoids actually solving the problem.
Thank goodness You don't let me hide inside my head. Thank heavens You pull me out protesting, plop me down in front of responsibility, and say, "Your turn." And thank God You forgive.
So I do not ask you to dull my self-awareness. Without it, I could not perform the daily personal surgeries that keep my relationships healthy, my transgressions contained, and my heart intact.
I only ask that You give me just a scrap of Your ability to forgive, so that I can heal myself as well and move forward -- freer.