Sunday, January 22, 2012

The stubborn heart is a lonely one

Photo by Amelien (Fr)
Scene: The living room on a snow-quiet day. Life -- a tacked-together body of friends, family, lovers, God whispers, decisions, consequences, moments, and good meals -- is lounging on the sofa. Heart -- who is a heart -- curls up in the armchair. She is frowning. Both have tea.

Life: Oh come on. It's not that bad.

Heart: Yes it is. It's wracking and profound and worthy of endless, cyclical, non-conclusive thought.

Life: You are whacked. They love you. They ALL love you. In fact, you have more love than you know what to do with.

Heart: Then why doesn't he say what I want him to say? Why doesn't she support me like I support her? WHY IS NONE OF IT LIKE IT IS IN MY HEAD??

Life: Because you're nuts. Also -- who says they're not?

Heart: I say.

Life: Maybe that's it, then.

Heart: What are you insinuating?

Life: That it's you.

Heart: (gasp)

Life: Oh, get off it. All human relationships are tinged with sadness. It's the price we pay for acknowledging our own inadequacy and loving in spite of it.

Heart: I'm not comfortable with that.

Life: Yeah, I know. Hence our 67th cup of tea in a row.

Heart: But the sadness is winning! I see only the sadness! Where did the good go?

Life: Stop being so bloody bleeding. Shut up and pay attention. That's all you have to do. The listening, the invitations, the time, the love -- all that you want, you already have. In spades. Right in front of you. Just CALM THE EFF DOWN. (pause) Also, remember -- you're not so perfect yourself.

Heart: ...

Life: There. That made you miss a beat.

End scene.

Prayer #197: Owner of a Lonely Heart

Every day You write. Every day You call. And every day I shrug You off, waiting for the better offer.

So I suppose I am lonely by my own design.

Lord, help me perceive the love before me. Help me receive it. Help me believe it. And then help me relieve myself -- and others -- of the pressure to be everything for always. It's a standard none can achieve, and none should hold to, except when it comes to You.

Amen.

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous4:19 PM

    I genuinely look forward do your blog posts. They are both moving and unique - thank you so much for sharing your life with us...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Another good one, Julia. I have these conversations with myself daily it seems at times. Your prayer is one I might print out and recite whenever I feel lonely, too.

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