Friday, July 25, 2008

Clients and vendors: Two sides of a dirty penny

My workforce life is young, but I've already spent two years on the vendor side and 6 months on the client side (where one could argue that, as a writer, I'm an internal vendor). And I can tell you that all the stereotypes are true. Clients are major pains in the patoot.

Some common frustrations and their translations:

* You're a great writer! We just have a couple word suggestions ...
We know more than you do about your chosen line of work and God-given talents.

* Hmm, yeah, it's direct, but I'm not sure our audience will really grasp it.
WE don't understand it.

* Our audience is everyone.
We're incapable of defining any clearer strategy than that.

* Sorry we held you up with our internal decisions and delayed the project by two weeks. Can you work this weekend to turn it all around by Monday?
We enjoy being inconsiderate. We know you want our money and will dance like monkeys.

* No no no, you misunderstood us.
No no no, we changed our minds and don't want to admit it.

* We want to be transparent. Just don't publish this info ... or this ... ooh, or this ...
We want to be able to SAY we're transparent, but not actually BE transparent. (Thanks, Nemo!)

* Almost there!
Not there at all.

Don't believe me? Watch this. And then come find me crying in the corner where I've crept off to avoid the working world.

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