10 unusual Christmas wishes (recession-style)

Do you have a particular tradition that kicks off the holiday season? Maybe taking a picture with Santa, hanging lights on your house, or seeing decorated department store windows? Well, for me it's a Word document. And not just any old Word document. I'm talking about my brother's annual Christmas wish list.

Fans of last year's list will be pleased to know my sib took this year's economic roller coaster to heart and crafted a list that reflects our current financial hardships. So read on, and if he moves you to contribute or even fulfill one of his wishes, please leave a comment with more details. (See? I'm saving you valuable postage!)

Francis Rocchi’s Annual Christmas List 2009: Recession Edition

1. Perhaps some warm gruel and old bread, sir? So hungry, so very hungry. (Funnier if read aloud in the voice of a Dickensian street urchin)

2. Fear and Loathing in America by Hunter S. Thompson. Anything that will quell my desire to take some acid, rent a convertible, and go on a no-holds-barred road trip through the American Southwest

3. A lock of hair off the head of the blonde violinist from Celtic Woman. With the right technology maybe I can make a clone of her. And make her mine.

4. A rich, elderly patron that I can dote on until they kick the bucket and name everything to me in their last will and testament.

5. Some polo shirts.

6. A wench. Preferably one that makes mead.

7. A job. If it involves a whiskey distillery, video games, or strippers assume it is the right job for me. Look for a whiskey distillery run by strippers, powered by the heat that emanates from used Xbox 360 consoles.

8. Socks. They should go to about mid-calf. And include strippers and whiskey.

9. Seriously though, some warm socks would be nice.

10. Another book. Think contemporary male author that was never in Oprah’s book club.

11. A medical report explaining how Dick Cheney is still alive ...

12. Some article of clothing that makes me look like less of a schlub.

13. Hire Sam Waterston to narrate my life for a week.