10 unusual Christmas wishes (recession-style)
Fans of last year's list will be pleased to know my sib took this year's economic roller coaster to heart and crafted a list that reflects our current financial hardships. So read on, and if he moves you to contribute or even fulfill one of his wishes, please leave a comment with more details. (See? I'm saving you valuable postage!)
Francis Rocchi’s Annual Christmas List 2009: Recession Edition
1. Perhaps some warm gruel and old bread, sir? So hungry, so very hungry. (Funnier if read aloud in the voice of a Dickensian street urchin)
2. Fear and Loathing in America by Hunter S. Thompson. Anything that will quell my desire to take some acid, rent a convertible, and go on a no-holds-barred road trip through the American Southwest
3. A lock of hair off the head of the blonde violinist from Celtic Woman. With the right technology maybe I can make a clone of her. And make her mine.
4. A rich, elderly patron that I can dote on until they kick the bucket and name everything to me in their last will and testament.
5. Some polo shirts.
6. A wench. Preferably one that makes mead.
7. A job. If it involves a whiskey distillery, video games, or strippers assume it is the right job for me. Look for a whiskey distillery run by strippers, powered by the heat that emanates from used Xbox 360 consoles.
8. Socks. They should go to about mid-calf. And include strippers and whiskey.
9. Seriously though, some warm socks would be nice.
10. Another book. Think contemporary male author that was never in Oprah’s book club.
11. A medical report explaining how Dick Cheney is still alive ...
12. Some article of clothing that makes me look like less of a schlub.
13. Hire Sam Waterston to narrate my life for a week.