Saturday, February 14, 2009
An open letter to all the boys I haven't kissed yet
Dear boys of the world,
I have been on this earth for 25 years, and in that time, I have kissed barely a handful of you. This, to me, is an egregious oversight in need of immediate remedy.
Not because I'm a floozy, mind you, or a flirt or a thrill-seeker. I'm suggesting this in the name of research, so that we might identify a mutually beneficial pairing.
I realize the logistics could be difficult. There are 3 billion of you and one of me. Still, I think with time, patience, and an large inventory of Chapstick, we can make this a success.
Here's my plan: Each of you take a number. Go about your daily lives. Wait for me to call you when your number comes up. Travel here. Introduce yourself. Pucker up.
If this sounds daunting, you'll be relieved to learn that I'm a woman who knows what she wants. I know a good man when I see one. And I do see a lot of them -- I just don't kiss that many of them. This exercise should fix that disconnect, without wasting too much of your time and energy.
In fact, if you're a man who knows a good woman on sight, then we increase our chances of reaching a successful conclusion. What's more, it could succeed in record time if we have the same definition of good -- that is, kind, confident, intelligent, and eager to leave the world a little better than when you found it.
I don't think any of this is too much to ask. Because I believe people are fundamentally good. And that good kissers are fundamentally fun.
Are you amenable to my proposal? If so, please leave a comment with all pertinent information here. I will be in touch shortly (though please have patience, because there are 3 billion of you, after all).
Thank you in advance for your consideration and cooperation. I look forward to kissing you.
Photo by Jeremy Brooks