Prayer #79: Say Something

One question: do you need someone, or do you need me? ... Forget it, I don't really care. {Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything}

Prayer #79: Say Something

That feeling is back. You know, the itchy, can't-get-totally-comfortable one.

It's the feeling you get when you're caught in the middle yet out of the loop. When you're thankful for what you have but annoyed it's not exactly what you wanted. When you have no idea how anything's going to turn out, yet you struggle to control it anyway.

Such a bewildering, squirmy, gray state to be in. Your mind knows what is good, but your heart can't muster the strength to agree. Or your heart is certain, but your mind waffles.

You sympathize with the betrayer and betrayed. You yell and plead in the same breath. You feel guilty for nothing and everything.

Distinctive God, I sift through nuances of daily conflicts and questions to find the definitive answer. But what I really need is defining -- a glimpse, a word, anything that captures this feeling in an active moment and shows me its form, like a shadow caught on film against a wall.

And when the flash does go off, help me see this limbo emotion has limits; and grant me the strength to press on beyond them to find true illumination.