Why you can't nap when you swim

The only thing worse than not having a vacation is returning from a vacation you did have.

It's been 48 hours since I stepped back into my house, yet I'm still in the throes of vacation hangover. I just want to upload pictures, regale friends with anecdotes, and take lots of naps (presumably to recover from sleeping 10 hours a night while on vacation).

However, such inclinations are far from helpful when one also has countless emails, tweets, and blog posts to catch up on. So, I'm using this week of readjustment to do just that -- catch you up on some loose ends dangling around Italian Mother Syndrome.

Today's refresh -- my relay sprint triathlon training. I've taken like a fish to chlorinated waters, motoring my way up and down the slow lane at various pools. And in my travels, I've learned several important items:
1. You can't nap while you swim. Or, as one astute Facebook commenter pointed out, you can, but only once.

2. Do not open your mouth in the pool unless you want a bacterial colony to take up residence. Don't worry, this hasn't happened to me, it's just what I worry about every time I accidentally gulp mid-stroke, because yes Virginia, 1 in 5 Americans has admitted to peeing in the pool.

3. Swimmers elbow is a real condition, similar to tennis elbow and stemming from "improper pulling technique with certain swim strokes." Don't worry, I don't have this either, but my poor trainer-slash-friend Sus does, leading to one of those infrequent though appreciated instances where being a lazy slug keeps one healthier than being a hardcore trainer.

4. Swimming at high altitudes takes your breath away. And not because of the view. Though, do what I did and swim in high altitudes while at an Air Force base*. That way you DO have a view of all the buff patrons. Bonus: They can leap to your aid in the likely event your lungs give up and you sink like a rock.

* Yes, I was uber-responsible and trained while *on vacation* in Utah. You may kiss the ring now.

5. Reading 'my absolute worst nightmare-slash-why do people think this is fun?-slash-hehe she's funny' triathlon posts like this one from Abbyjaye provide excellent motivation for working harder so I avoid a)embarrassing my team and b) death.

Of course, to fuel all this activity and learning you need to be eating the right stuff, so be sure to read my next loose-end post coming up -- part 4 of the Tazewell Garden Project.

And in the meantime -- for the love of Pete, don't drink the pool water.